[Posted February 2006]

by Larry H. Faragamo,
75-Year-Old Film Critic

Curious George is perhaps the most passionate gay love story I have ever seen. And believe me, I have seen a lot of gay love stories. I've seen Longtime Companion, Maurice, Love! Valour! Compassion!, and every movie that Tom Cruise has been in.

It's not like I go out looking for gay love stories. I'm a happy heterosexual, and I've been with my wife for over fifty years. But I enjoy seeing all kinds of movies, and who in America hasn't fooled around with the neighbor boy next door when you were both ten?

Anyway, George is a monkey—which, of course, means that he is "different" than everyone else. And being "different" suggests that you are "differently orientated"—which I interpret as "homosexual." It's an allegory, you see. And another clue is that he is also "curious"—which, of course, is code for being "bi-curious." And everybody knows that any path that starts with "bi-curiosity" ends with a lifetime membership at the proverbial fudge factory.

One day, the Man in the Yellow Hat, who happens to be wearing the gayest outfit this side of the Pride Parade, is exploring George's home turf. George mistakes the man's yellow hat for a huge "banana." George really wants the huge "banana," so he runs after the man and eventually grabs hold of the man's huge "banana." Once George gets his hands on the huge "banana," the man befriends him, and they go home together. That's how most gay relationships work.

When George and the man get to the big city, their closeness, their love for each other, wreaks havoc upon the town. Neighbors, doormen, strangers—everybody is upset with the two of them. It seems that the world just won't accept them as a couple. Unable to handle a force as overwhelming as love, the Man in the Yellow Hat lets Animal Control capture George and take him away. Animal Control, of course, represents our oppressive society.

[WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!]

The Man in the Yellow Hat then tries to forge a relationship with a female schoolteacher who is smitten with him, but, in the end, George and the Man in the Yellow Hat end up in a "cockpit" together inside a very long and phallic rocket ship. The two of them blast off into outer space, where their love has no limits.

I wish there were a straight love story as sophisticated as this one. Those Julia Roberts romantic comedies don't count because Julia Roberts is so tall that she's like a scary monster. Hollywood, deliver me a good, old-fashioned heterosexual love story before I die. Please.

© 2006 Larry H. Faragamo